So, I felt something was wrong. I could not explain but I felt like was I slowly dying from the inside.
One of the great facts of being a ballet dancer was that I could do ballet EVERYDAY! Yet, soon I realised a fact it became a job: I had to dance even if I was not feeling 100%, even my body was saying "No!" to perform in front of the audience, therefore pain killers became one of must have items.
Did I love every moments of life as a dancer? Probably, Yes. However, I knew there are so much more in outside world, outside of the studio, out side of the theatre. Therefore, I have decided to distance study during the tour as I use to have lots of time and just wasted them, that was one of the really good and useful thing I did as a dancer.
have I archived the best I could have? Definitely, No. Yet, one-day I realised by watching one of my colleagues practising pirouettes so much, he was obsessed with it, like we all are;D And, he was good at it, really. Yet, something just clicked and I thought of how much effort, time and energy he is spending on practising his pirouettes, I realised he pirouettes were not that consistent. Then, I looked around. Considering most of my colleagues are doing ballet since young age and spending their dear life, time, effort and money on ballet, we did not have much difference in level of dance.
What does it mean? Why some students train in same place, same time but coming out from the school with such a big difference? Why can we do what some of the great dancers are doing considering most of us have two legs and two arms? Is it because some dancers work harder? Then, why they are always suffering with injuries?
Ultimately, what is happiness to us dancers? And, with this question I have realised a fact which lots of dancers forget: ballet is just a tool to make our life richer but not just financially, to have a richer and full of life.
To be continued....