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Retire to become more, become you

Being a professional performer was a brilliant experience, which money can't buy! My life seemed to be perfect as I gained what I been working and wishing for.

It started off when I wished to become "more", it is so hard to explain as there are so many feelings and emotions inside of when I try to discuss this topic, it is better to write this with a beer or red wine on my hand! But I will try without them! At the beginning I purely want to become a better dancer, yet what is "Better dancer"? What is a good dancer anyway? How do you major it? It is like majoring "beauty". Yet, I was keep on striving to it. I was blind, I did not wish anything but to be a better, greater dancer and I was ready to sacrifice ANYTHING for it!

However, ironically I came to a conclusion and I realised a fact: doing ballet class every day does not make you a better dancer. I realised this fact by the comment from one of the teachers. He pointed our faults in pirouettes and he told us that the reason our pirouettes aren't great is purely because our laziness. Which was fine, maybe he was correct, I could have worked harder, yet he carried on as "If you work hard every day, you should be able to do 10 pirouettes from 5th position!". That was an eye opening comment to me. I am sure that was just a metaphor as when I tried to discuss with my colleagues no one really remembered it! If, the metaphor is correct, the best dancer in the world is the dancer who is working the hardest, probably training more than 24 hours per day. i am not a cleaver person, but even I could tell that can be correct, in fact, the reality was opposite as dancers who train hard always fight with some kind of injuries and always look unhappy.....What is this?I thought this is what we wanted and being a professional dancer should makes happy? Yet, something is not right...

To be continued....